Who needs sleep anyways?

Who needs sleep anyways?  This sentiment is one I often proclaim as many of my friends can attest to.  It is funny, this last week I was sitting and pondering on this very subject.  Sleep.  It has been an ever eluded thing in my life these almost thirteen years or more.  I have spent many nights sitting with my youngest son as he struggled with sleeplessness.  It has been by far the most physically difficult part of having a child on the spectrum.  For those parents whose children suffer, and it is suffering at the highest level, from lack of sleep you understand what I am going through.  

Although insomnia, sleeplessness, or sleep disorder (the latter is what I classify it as) is quite common amongst children on the spectrum it is not considered part of the disorder since there seems to be no impirical data to support it.  Truth be told, not all people on the spectrum suffer from sleep issues.  In fact, my oldest son wasn't plagued by this issue at all.  I was graced with at least eight full hours of sleep per night starting the moment he was brought home from the hospital.  It was amazing!  (I dare to daydream of dreaming these days).

It wasn't to be so with Aiden, poor guy.  He hasn't  really slept more than four hours at a time since he was born and for a grand portion of his early childhood he went with even less than that. It has been hard on his little body and he often gets sick far more often than other children.  It is something that just breaks my heart, since I understand just how tired he really is.

When he was first diagnosed I brought up the subject to his specialist, who proceeded to tell me that although it was a common question and one that many parents have reported as an issue it could not be officially classified as an autism symptom.  This was because there was no way of scientifically proving it; it was just conjecture by parents at this point (said the man with a full night's sleep).

It was during this timeframe that Aiden began the first of the longest days of his and my life...he went a total of 36 hours with out any sleep of any kind (thank goodness only two other times has this happened).  His sobs were uncontrollable as exhaustion had clearly take it's toll on him.  He was just barely three at the time.  I remember holding him and rocking him in my arms crying right along with him; I remembered just how I prayed for sleep to come and give his sweet little body rest and peace from his pain finally.  It broke my heart that I could not fix it or kiss his pain away.  There is nothing worse than that feeling of not being able to help your child when they need you most.  So I just kept rocking him, holding him, kissing his tears, and praying.

After his crying had gone on inconsolable for more than an hour, I called the doctor and begged for relief for son and the answer came in the form of Melatonin.  It doesn't keep him asleep and only really works when he has had zero bumps in his routine, but it has at least allowed him an average of four hours if sleep as opposed to the alternative which was much less.  There are still times when it doesn't help, but at least twenty-four hour stretches come less and less.  

I am sitting here typing this out as I watch the fevered little face of my son.  As I said, he seems to catch illness more often and this time more severely than his brother.  His little face looks so peaceful while sleeps and he as he has slept away the last few days and nights as his body fights off the flu.  It struck me as I was sitting here (likely what influenced me to write about this subject), 'How sad.  My baby who never sleeps when he is well can only seem to find sleep when he is so miserable that it is all that he can do.'

Autism brings more discomfort than most children and people on the spectrum can adequately express.  There is only one thing that I truly hate about this disorder, and that is knowing that my child suffers in ways that the rest of the world cannot comprehend and I cannot do anything to fix it or make it go away.