I am sitting in my sons' room while I wait for them to fall asleep and my mind is wandering through the events of the last two years. The struggles, the heartache, the sleepless nights...the days when it seemed like the darkened spaces we were living in might stay darkened. All the while the smile on my face that the world has seen was my silent stand. It was and is the symbol of the constant firm belief and hope that things must get better...the smile that hid the tears and refused to accept defeat was my way of telling the events that were so overwhelmingly smothering some days they would not win. That smile I wore like a shield against what seemed at times like insurmountable odds.
So I sit here, and revel at what 2016 will mean for us; for my sons and for me. Life is fluid change. Those changes include ebbs and flows; it is evolutionary and I understand me just a little bit more and about who I am and what kind of mother I want to be...no, not just that...what kind of mother I need to be.
My world is autism. I live it. I breathe it. I advocate for it. I have learned to accept it fully and wear it literally on shirts for the world to see. I am an autism mom. With that comes a tremendous responsibility that is built solely on the love I have for my children. They are the most important parts of me...they are the reason that I do everything. It is why I sit in a darkened room typing out this message. This message of another triumph in a list of many that seemed to come with just that much more work. It is sweet. It is amazing, and I still smile.
So I sit in this room with these beautiful boys waiting for them to fall asleep...I sit in this room that is in our new home. For two years I waited for this opportunity and was slowly beginning to think it would never quite come, but that smile. That smile on my face, though weary some days, remained defiant and I refused to let it dull in spite of it all and for a moment; in this moment the smile won. We won.
AND so now here I sit at the end of this December...this fabulously chaotic upside down and right side up December waiting for January to come and realizing my smile is still here and the future is so bright. Watch out world!!! Watch for big things in the world of autism advocacy, my little family, and for the best year yet to come! Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas AND a very Happy New Year from us.
(Interviews coming again soon now that we are moved and settled. Single parenting is hard; autism single parenting is a little harder.)
