What is 'normal' anyways?

               As much as I love words and to use words as much as possible, I have to say in the last decade one that I find to be my least favorite word is:  normal.  What is normal anyways?  According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary normal (within the context I am currently referring to) is the measurement of what is the ‘standard’ or typical.  So, my question is…who is in charge of this measuring and how is it okay to apply this term to children or anyone really?  Since my oldest son was diagnosed as being on the spectrum I have found that more people like to use this term just after I have had to have a ‘teaching moment’ with them. 

               I am so very lucky that my sons do not have melt-downs in public often (melt-downs occur when a child is so stressed out and overwhelmed that they lose their ability to function; it is basically a panic attack), but my oldest son often makes noise or has verbal ticks in response to the stress he is having.  These noises get louder the more uncomfortable he begins to feel…it is upon those occasions that some people might make snide comments or stare at him.  On the rare occasion that he has had a panic attack in a public place (especially when he was younger) I have had people come right up and openly reprimand my parenting skills.  It is here that the ‘teaching’ moment occurs as I usually calmly express that he is autistic and that he is stressed out by the situation, etc.  It is always followed by the same statement:

“But…he looks so normal…”

               Oh how I hate that word, but it is because of that seemingly harmless statement that I have learned a very valuable lesson…never judge a book by its cover.  For all of those folks that randomly accuse or question what a parent is going through with their child it seems that the best course of action is to never assume that it is a parenting issue.  All parents are on a journey as soon as their child is born and we all need as much support as possible to make it through that journey.  I am certain that there are parents guilty of coddling or spoiling their child; however, unless you know for sure please try to think about it like this:  what if it were your child and what if your child was in so much discomfort that he or she was basically falling to pieces before your very eyes?  Do you discipline or try to calm them?

 Like I said, I am very fortunate in that it has been a rare thing for one of my kids to completely lose it in a public place, but I know many other parents that struggle to get groceries purchased, go to the park, go to their local church services, or any other public venue that people go to every single day just as the course of daily living allows all because their child might not be able to make it through the store.  I, myself, I have found myself leaving a half full basket of groceries in a store and walk out to the car just so that my child can have a moment of peace as he tries to calm down from the traumatic experience that he is having at that moment. 

 How much easier would it be for those parents if the people in their communities recognized their struggles and either offered a helping hand or let the moment slide by as if it weren’t even happening…It is all in how we look at our world and all in how we approach every situation, but I would hope that as more people are aware of autism that they will refrain from negative comments to people who likely are already struggling with the moment in the very best way they know how. 

               Autism is not marked by physical identifiable features for your convenience and often times the most beautiful looking children you will ever know are autistic…I find it ironic that in a society that covets extremely, intrinsically attractive people that it is in this same society that can be so easily swayed to judge the character of an autistic child based on his or her same beautiful features.  In other words, society feels that because a person appears to be attractive that he or she is held to a different standard than say a person that may not fall within the same status of physical appearance.   
                The word normal is just an unfair word when applying to people in general, becuase the reality is that we are all different in some way or another; we are all unique and special.  I often tell my sons just how special they are all of the time and Seamus asked me once about him being autistic and I told him, "Autism is just a special word that helps to describe one of the ways that you are special and unique..."  He was pleased witht that response, because it is true...the difference between my kids and kids that aren't on the spectrum is that the rest of the world has given them a title to wear with all of the other amazing things that make them who they are...