Both of
my sons are runners. When I say that
they are runners, I am not saying that they are taking up the activity of
running. It is a term often used for
children on the spectrum that literally try to run away from their
problems. They become so overwhelmed or
troubled by the stimuli around them that they engage in elopement; escape. As a parent it is the most frightening and
terrifying thing in the world and when my oldest son started engaging in it at
the age of three years old it is sad that so many people seemed to jump to
judgment without really understanding that when a child, who is likely a genius,
decides that he or she is going to take a trip out of the home then they will
find a way. It isn’t an act of
negligence usually and likely the doors are locked and the house is secure;
however, literally in my case…every time an instance has occurred I was using
the bathroom (we all have to; it is a natural process) and I can only believe
that just like any child they will use the opportunities given them to attain
whatever it is that they want. In these cases, to escape whatever it is that is plaguing them at the moment.
With
that being said, when my oldest son first started really engaging in elopement
we had tried everything that we could think of to make the environment a safe
one, but we were living in a rental and when I called the rental agent to ask
about adding locks and alarms I was told that she would sue me if I did it (we
did it anyways after a third attempt by him).
Yes, people, it is something that I have dealt with many times over the years: people that just do not seem to care about anything
more than the almighty dollar. It isn’t their
child; therefore, it isn’t their problem.
It doesn’t make it right and ignorance is its own form of special need.
At any rate, it was after Seamus had gotten
out of the house while company was over (he had pushed the window out over the toilet
and had jumped out of it) and was missing for over three-and-a-half hours that
I realized that we needed to figure out how to make our home safe and to heck
with the rental agent. I can say though that it was from that moment on that I
suddenly found myself checking doors, windows, and waking myself in the night
to check if my son was in his bed. I
think what really seemed to break me was on that fateful day when he was gone
nearly four hours and dozens of people had been combing the area and no one
could seem to find a trace of him. Since we lived by a lake at the time and no one could find him, the next stage was brought in: search dogs and divers. That memory is forever imprinted in
my mind and likely I will have it with me always. I could feel a lump form in my throat and my chest tighten; this could not be happening. I waited until the next day
after he was safely returned home to completely fall to pieces with him sitting
on my lap and my arms wrapped tightly about him.
All it took was simple cheap door and window alarms with batteries to
stop Seamus from running; in his case it was an issue of impulse control. He just needed something to break that urge and
that was enough.
Then there came Aiden. Aiden is
the kind of boy that makes me hope that in his future adulthood that he uses
his super powers for good some day. When
he wanted to run, he just turned the alarms off; next disarming them completely
into uselessness, next we installed two key entry deadbolts…he solved that by
figuring out how to pick the locks (pumpkin carving kits were his tool of
choice), and then we had video cameras installed to help monitor his movements
throughout the house...he proceeded to disable those, as well, once he realized
what they were for. Yes, a folks, Aiden
is amazing and persistent. He likely is
one of the most determined children I have ever met, but it is only through
hyper-vigilance and a speedy dialing finger that we have managed to keep him
safe. I am not afraid to call 911. Don’t ever be remiss in calling; no matter if
he is found safe right away. I would
rather have the cavalry on its way and him found safe than feel like I am
worrying too little and then it’s too late.
This is autism parenting. Not all
autistic children/people are runners, but with so many missing autistic children
that seem to plague the newsfeed of my Facebook I think it is important to know
something about it.
I mentioned briefly about people
rushing to judgment. It happens all too
often. They assume that the parents aren’t
paying attention or hadn't done something that would could have... It isn’t that simple. These children are intelligent; their
deficits include social issues and speech cognition in some cases; however,
other parts of their brains work just fine and likely far better than us mere mortals!
It is their nature to be observers and although they may not understand
intent they do understand when circumstances become available. I would caution and suggest that people not
jump to judgment but offer support of their neighbors in these instances for
they all have a story that you do not know about. I am currently lucky enough to have a great set of neighbors
across the street from me who have often helped when I need them to and come to my aid when the occasion has arisen. I hope that more people begin to really understand and offer help when it is needed.
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