Autismisms: Girls and Speech

Two Fridays ago, my sixteen year old, partially verbal son looked me dead in the eyes with all of the seriousness of moving mountains and said to me:  “I wanna girlfriend.”  As if the world came crashing to a halt I stopped and thought, “Is that what I thought he said?”  His father was there picking them up for their weekend visit with him and we both looked each other.  Since I firmly believe that most of speech and autism is motivation I grabbed the bull by the horn.

“Well, Seamus, you know if you want a girlfriend you are going to have to try to use your words more,” without skipping a beat or breaking with eye-contact he asked as clearly as anything, “Why?”

Stunned into a small momentary moment of silence I said, “Well, girls like to talk buddy.  It’s what they often do best.  They sort of like it when you talk back and have a conversation.”

His eyes finally broke with mine and he seemed a little perplexed, but responded with, “Oh…okay.”

Wouldn’t you know it?  Wouldn’t you know that this sixteen year old boy has been trying to use his words more and more all of the time now?  Some of them are random, some of them are profound, and some of them are just for the sake of his voice being heard, but he is using them.  

 I realized that Seamus was unique as soon as he started expressing a distinct style in clothing, shoes, and accessories that mirrored what he saw in his peers.  He has even used his words very well a number of times in front of girls in the recent past that took me quite by surprise as he had been verbally silent up and until that moment when he started talking to the girl.  One particular incident still sits fresh in my mind and is a favorite of mine to share:

It was Christmas time and as a photographer I often deliver and meet people to drop off discs.  I had told Seamus if he was a really good helper he could get a hot chocolate at one of the local espresso stands.  As we pulled up to the window I told the girl that he wanted a hot chocolate and since he was sitting there she looked right at him and said, “What size do you want hon?” 

“What size do you got honey?” was his flirty response.

I stopped and turned in shock as the boy who barely had uttered a word to me all evening was having a very clear and succinct conversation with the cute 19 year old barista just now.  She replied, “Small, medium, or Large?”

He then says, “What’s your small?” 

She said, “12 ounces.”

As if the reality of the situation had struck him that he was talking with a very attractive girl hit him all at once coupled with his social anxiety…I watched a wide-eyed, open-mouthed Seamus freeze up and stop talking.  I thought I was coming to the rescue, but I said for him, “He will have a medium.”

Teenagers are the same no matter what and I suddenly got an eye-roll and a scathing sigh from him as he covered his eyes in complete and utter embarrassment.   How was I to know?  (Insert a little motherly giggle of delight.)

Small victories are bittersweet sometimes…when my sons were first pulled into homeschool I was told by staff that I was making a huge mistake and that I wasn’t realistic to believe that my sons could ever be truly potty-trained, speak or be able to function in a public setting without falling apart.  That was eight years ago and now they are speaking (although still struggling because they weren’t given the attention that they should have with speech in public school), they are both potty-trained (both were at three-and-a-half years old, but their limited speech made it hard to communicate and the school didn’t want to use the program I used at home), and I am exceptionally proud of the strides they have made in maintaining their social anxiety and sensory issues while we are out.  

There is a lot to be said for not being afraid to have expectations outside of conventional education and now that my sons are older I am seeing the other programs that have come into schools that seem to accommodate these children better.  We have some catching up still to do, but goals are made and now my sixteen year old has lots of new motivation to use his words!  Girls and Speech