This last school year and this current one my oldest son and I have been working diligently on how to cross streets safely. Its been a painstaking journey of fear, excitement, and worry by both of us as my seventeen year old son has braved through his own anxiety, coupled with sensory issues and a general fear of change (we all have it, but perhaps not to the relative degree that those on the spectrum have). Add in the other roadblocks (some human) that have come from the external sources that have impeded this process, my son as pushed ahead in spite of everything else. His desire has been greater than his obstacles. I stand in awe of him (both of my ASD sons, really) most days and am proud. That doesn't mean that from time-to-time there aren't little hiccups along the way. One such hiccup occurred for the second time in the last three months. It has caused me a moment of pause for sure as I work through how to help him deal with the discourtesy of human beings.
Human beings, by far are the most complex and ridiculous things that ever were and yet by all counts mostly decent with a smattering of indecent sorts speckled throughout. Their biggest downfalls include judgmental behavior, impatience, fallibility, and...ignorance. Ignorance by all definitions boils down to being uneducated. Knowing of something or someone is not being educated about it or that person. Knowing comes from taking the time to really understand through book learning and being interested in how that subject, group, or individual works. This is how I see much of our world these days and while I live within constant reminder of it through my children, I have seen in it many other ways throughout my lifetime.
On two separate occasions someone stopped in his/her vehicle and honked while Seamus was in the crosswalk (once at him and once while he was in the general vicinity), both times he had gotten his feelings hurt, but it gave him a sensory moment start. The second time he was coming back after a hefty illness and on a Monday (who likes Mondays anyways?). Just as he had made it to the other side of the crosswalk and was stepping safely onto the curb a car honked at some of his peers just behind him. I watched him jump at the noise and then cover his ears while dropping his head down. I could see from his posture that he was struggling a little bit. I proceeded to inform his teacher so that he would be aware of what had occurred and got several emails back in return about how bad his day was, because of it (mind you the horn was one of three in a sequence of events that can make anyone's Monday a bad one, but it became all about one incident).
That afternoon someone engaged in a discussion with me about this incident and he said, "...well you know he is going to have to get used to it..." that comment stuck with me and I was really bothered by it. To a degree, I suppose, because he has to get used to the fact that people are insensitive, rude, pushy, and also (after some information was given to me) engaging in illegal behavior? (Apparently, people are not supposed to honk at people in a crosswalk in our state.) I have been working with Seamus on understanding that people are not mad at him when they do this, but even so...how many typically developing or 'normal' kids don't like being honked at and potentially this could already be an added moment in a series, and... have a 'bad day'? How often are they comforted by instructors and parents by saying, "Don't worry it will be alright, it is just a bad day. There is a brand new one tomorrow," and its left at that? I know as a parent I do this for my sons, and I hope that they hear it at school as well.
It was not until the next day that I realized just how much my son had taken in what I had said about 'bad' days, when that same child with the bad day sprinted ahead of his little brother and I. He had managed to get all the way across and was almost to the corner of the building closest to his classroom before we even got to the end of the driveway (I usually try to observe from a distance his crossing to help him learn or discuss mistakes later). The child who had struggled, woke up the very next day, shrugged off the 'bad' and crossed anyways without a hitch. On this day his triumphant crossing was a huge 'in your face' to that individual who had decided to offer an ignorant perspective without really thinking about it, but...then again that person was probably just having a bad Monday and everyone is allowed to have one of those every so often without having to be told that he needs to change who he is or that he is wrong about how he feels when someone hurts his feelings.
My son shaking that bad Monday off is what the power of the human spirit is. It is about shaking off the dirt from that hole that we fall into sometimes. We shake it off, climb out, and are better people than we were before. Human beings have many faults and problems, but we don't give up. We keep getting up the next day and crossing that street bravely in the face of those who have questioned us or doubted us. My kids constantly teach me so many valuable things about life and people by just being exactly who they are. I hope that others take a little something from this and learn as well. One thing is for sure, I hope that my son doesn't have to get used to people being insensitive, rude, unpleasant, impatient, etc. I hope as I always hope that people just work a little harder to be better human beings than they were the day before.
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