The journey away from public school
We as parents are
programmed to believe that our public education system with all of its
educators and people with positions of influence (superintendants, school board
members, etc.) all care just as much about our children’s educations as we do. However, as we move forward in time it has
become more and more apparent that in the United States that we are indeed
failing as we do not even make the top twenty nations for education (all found
in online databases through a collegiate library system) and that no one seems
to put too much stock into what true learning is. Much of what is being taught these days is
how to take tests created by people that know nothing about education; these
tests were put into place to try to monitor and regulate what a teacher is
doing in a classroom. The problem with
this is that no one is learning anything, but what they put on the tests;
children are no longer well rounded and the motivation that a child has is
limited by the expectations of a test whose only real value is in whether
someone can pass it. Of course said
tests do not monitor if the child is prone to text anxiety or whether he or she
is going to be sick or have a bad day…the reality is that no one really seems
to want these tests, but bureaucrats and politicians and I cannot say that they
don’t have some other ulterior agenda. When it comes to budgets (which are often low
due to the hard economic strains and in some cases poor administrational
decisions) children have long since been replaced with dollar signs and the
poorer school districts are suffering for it.
In the case of special
education…it has become even more of an issue as children with special needs
are left in the back of the group and the idea of ‘No child left behind’ is
more about just dragging the child into the next grade without actually giving him
or her any sort of practical academic experiences. For my sons, it was the next to worst thing
to live in a failing and financially faltering school district whose income
issues often meant a lack of education for my sons. I will not go into detail which district this
is; however, I feel strongly that the story must continue to be told and why it
was that a woman that began a career in Public Education would suddenly decide
to pull her children in order to focus on teaching them in her home. Certainly there are arguments made for
socialization and that my autistic children are suffering from the lack of
programs (as you will soon see there weren’t much in the way of programs
anyways) that could benefit them from participating in their local school. What I saw was regression after regression,
horrible IEP meetings where only the bare minimum requirements were approved,
and a sinking feeling as the children you love are railroaded by a system that
did not value their potential based on the school’s concern for a standardized test
that they do not feel my children were able of passing anyways (all actually
said to me in a meeting by a former School Psychologist and principal years
ago). Below are a few significant
accounts that lead to the ultimate decision to pull my sons into homeschool.
Time
hurried on and as I fought each time to get the things that my child needed to
thrive I was being continuously told that ‘we are too small a district to
afford to meet those demands’ and I would walk away with a sinking feeling as
to the nature of it all; the school wanted the moneys that my sons brought to
them without actually giving us a reason to keep them in their school. It was disheartening but I stayed the course
feeling that somehow they would have to do the right thing, because how could
they not? It wasn’t until finally going
to see the boys’ specialists in Seattle that I was told, “Why aren’t your sons
more ahead in their speech? They really
should be further along by now?” and then two days later in another futile IEP
meeting that I was told by their inept Speech Therapist (generalized not
specialized for autism), “Oh well your sons just really aren’t capable of
speech.” She said in a way that said
volumes and was in response to what the autism specialist had said just days
before. Her pride was bruised. The speech pathologist from the hospital had
decided to call and offer help to this same therapist with her expertise and
even free aides that were available and was turned down flat, “No thank
you. I have my own program.” I wasn’t trying to be smug, but my question
when I heard this from her (she had been the third therapist in four years, by
the way) was, “And how is that program doing for you or for my children?” She had no answer and actually sort of
dismissed me. She left shortly after
that and a new person came in, but it was then that I knew the writing was on
the wall. This school could not help my
sons and they had no intention of
doing so.
Through the next many months a
series of incidents began to arise and I began documenting every little thing
from them not following my suggestions to set up a schedule and use a picture
education system to take my sons to the bathroom (effectively un-potty training
my youngest son and humiliating my oldest one).
I was continuously told that the kids either weren’t telling them that
they had to go or that they were in fact taking the boys. My suspicions had been raised mostly through
the fact my oldest son who never had issues toileting at home and while we were
out in public, but seemed to have accident after accident at school. At which point was treated as if I was either
exaggerating and in some cases point blank told that I was not telling the
truth of that matter. Aiden had already
reverted back to pull-ups as they refused to keep him out of them for their
convenience, but Seamus was ashamed and often cried about it; telling me, “I
told them, Mom. I told them.” I spent more time in the principal’s office
and talking to the teacher than I thought possible, but in the end it was a
mistake by the teacher that finally tipped the balance of that scale and the
proof could not be denied anymore…
It was as the bus was dropping
him off when I saw an animated bus driver scolding Seamus about having an
accident; Seamus was in tears by the time I got to the door. Although the bus driver was patiently and
softly telling him that every time he didn’t tell the teachers that he had to
use the potty that she had to clean her bus, I could see his humiliation and
anguish all over his face. I helped him
off of the bus and walked him into the bathroom to give him a bath and as I was
doing so I said, “Oh my Seamus, I promise you we will work on using your words
to use the bathroom.”
With tear filled eyes he said, “I
told them. I told them,” and as I was taking
his pants off I saw a pull-up that was not a brand I bought for Aiden and at
that point Seamus never wore them…and it was so full of urine that it was
leaking out the sides and all over the floor.
Proof of what I had been suspecting all along; they were not taking him
to the bathroom when they claimed they were (they had been telling me for
months they always took him before he got on the bus). I safely got him in the tub and told him it
wasn’t his fault and that everything was okay.
I would fix this. I will not lie;
I felt a fury that burned so deeply that I immediately found myself completely
and utterly enraged! I took that pull-up
and placed it in a gallon size Ziploc bag.
Instead of Seamus taking the bus that morning to school I drove both
boys to school that day and marched us into the principal’s office where I
dramatically tossed the still leaking diaper on her desk. The look on her face was quite surprised and
then immediately turned to distaste, “All of this time I have been coming to
you and Mrs. J * and told you that I
knew that there was something amiss now I have proof.”
“You really didn’t have to do
that, Doni,” she said curtly and I replied, “Oh I really think I did. My words have been ignored for months and it
appears that Seamus’ have been as well.”
By this time the teacher had
walked into the office and looked on in horror as she realized what was
happening. The principal looked at her
in total exasperation; I could see all of the months of backing the other woman
up were taking its toll, “What do you suggest we should do?”
I had come armed and ready to go
with a stack of potty schedules for them to use with my sons, the catch was that
each time slot had a spot for initials.
Years ago I had learned that when someone signed for an item or had to
put their name on something they became suddenly more responsible. The teacher immediately became defensive, “I
am not going to make my para’s sign those.
You cannot make me or them.”
My response was, “Why? If everyone is taking him to the bathroom as
they say they are then it shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, this not only will help the boys,
but it will make sure I cannot come back to say it isn’t being done.” The principal actually looked impressed and
didn’t wait for the teacher to respond, “I think that it is a really great idea
and we won’t have a problem complying with that.” Victory.
Victory was sweet, but I knew it was just one in the many I had been fighting
for over the years.
It was that spring, however,
that seemed to bring everything else into perspective as issues continued to
rise with the way the boys’ education was being handled. My heart became heavier and then the call came
and it would change everything; how I thought about the school and about what I
saw as homeschooling.
(To be continued in the final
part of this series and will share just exactly was the final straw to bring the children away from public education)
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