Every day since the tree has been up, my youngest son has walked over and turned the lights on, played Christmas music for about twenty minutes while watching the pretty lights all around the it. His brother occasionally has walked over and adjusted ornaments that just do not seem right and he checks the other lights and decorations around the house to make sure they are operating correctly. He has played an integral part in putting everything up and has for many years now. I get a lot of satisfaction as I see their eyes light up when they see the tote full of jolly decor being dragged out of the closet.
It has been such a delight watching them engage and participate in Christmas these last three years, especially. To be honest, since the divorce these last few Christmases have been sparse. They have been humble and most importantly...they have been amazing examples of what Christmas is supposed to be about and my sons are who have truly shown me how to appreciate this concept.
The first year I felt really guilty and sad that we couldn't do as much as we once had, but by the second year I realized just how little it takes to bring my sweet sons joy. Their truest understanding of what makes Christmas...well, Christmas had nothing to do with things, but with feelings. It has nothing to do with opening presents, but by opening their hearts.
There is a huge misunderstanding about those on the spectrum that they lack empathy or do not feel the same things that everyone else feels. The truth is, they likely not only feel as we do, but much more profoundly. They even can sense our emotions emanating from us in ways we may never understand and the seeming apathy that they appear to have towards others is really an inability to articulate and communicate their emotions to the rest of the world. However when they are able to, simply wonderful things happen. I have seen it and I revel in it. These last few years have shown it.
Christmas is supposed to exude the most basic of all feelings: Love and joy. The songs we sing and the traditions we share are all based on those core feelings. Although for most ASD children and adults, the holidays can have some harsh sensory effects for them, I have discovered that most of these discomforts can be helped just by teaching about the seasons, months, and the holidays that coincide together. Preparation for those stressful times helps to abate those anxieties and even to work through the sensory issues that happen (essentially they can see it coming and brace for the storm so to speak). I highly encourage parents to set up a calendar time and talk about it every day. It really helped my sons.
Now, both of my sons have embraced and love all the holidays. They have definitely come a long way when dealing with those things that overwhelm them. Most importantly though, they have taught me that less is indeed more especially during the holidays. The onset of the first sparse Christmas showed me this. It showed me exactly how special it was to truly enjoy and embrace those things that actually matter: Time, effort, and love.
Our celebrations have been magical, they have been sweet,
and they have been full of so much love that I don't think I want it any other way. Although, this year Christmas has been their Dad's turn with them, we are spending the break from school having adventures, having fun, keeping our life skills schedule, and the morning routine of enjoying the simplest and sweetest things like turning the lights on the little tree and listening to the carols that we have listened to for so many years. We are enjoying and sharing the intended spirit of the season; we are sharing those feelings.
To me, these are the greatest gifts and the best parts of my life with my sons. To me this is what Christmas is supposed to be. I am humbled and thankful for the joy that they bring with them.
So from the three of us to all of you we want to wish you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and all of those special and amazing holidays shared at this time of year; and is my wish that we all carry the spirit of the season to hold us through the new year.
